


"I want it....."

by AwsmazingOTPainsXD



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, hidehaise, hidekane, i hope it's not too bad, my second hidekane o(-(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 10:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10332230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwsmazingOTPainsXD/pseuds/AwsmazingOTPainsXD
Summary: “Hide”, he breathed out raggedly, peering into the night as if the blond would magically appear. But, of course he didn’t. This time Haise let the tears fall freely, burying his face in his arm and sniffling silently.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I was too lazy to edit it so I hope it's not too bad OTL *chucks this at you and runs away* Have some Hidehaise <3

The late afternoon sun shone high in the clear blue sky, glistening off the ocean and the shells that adorned the sand. The quinx had just received a much deserved holiday and Shirazu had insisted on spending the day at the beach. The boisterous squad leader was currently attempting to haul a very miserable Saiko away from her haven of videogames under the shade of the large umbrella. “Mucchan! Help me!” whined the loveable gamer, clinging to an equally reluctant Mutsuki.

“Urie! Help me get this lazy gamer into the water already!” Shirazu demanded.

“Tch.” Scowling, Urie simply plugged in his earphones and closed his eyes, tuning him out.

Haise observed the squad’s antics and sighed, rubbing his temples. He could feel a headache coming on. Something about this seemed familiar somehow. He watched as Shirazu dragged Saiko into the water with a miserable Mutsuki in tow and how determined he was on teaching Saiko how to swim. His head throbbed.

In the back of his mind, Haise could hear a loud, energetic voice calling him. _“Come on, man! I’ll teach you!”_ Glimpses of blond hair and a grin, brighter than the sun blazing overhead flashed before his eyes. Tears gathered in his eyes and bile rose in his throat. Haise was tired. So frustrated and confused that he just couldn’t place the strange yet familiar boy that would occasionally assault his mind and dreams.

 _‘Memories? Did I know this person from **before**?’_ he wondered helplessly.

With one last glance towards the others, Haise turned to walk in the opposite direction. He stumbled along, near the shoreline close to the large rocks, only slowing when he couldn’t hear their voices anymore. He stopped to steady his laboring breaths and racing heartbeat. More bile rose in his throat and the throbbing in his head was becoming unbearable.

‘ _In. Out. In. Out. Breathe.’_

He collapsed to his knees in the sand, clenching fistfuls of grains and watching it cascade through his open fingers. Some of the nausea subsided and he let out a deep exhale, suddenly feeling very exhausted. He sank his hands deeper into the cooling sand. His slender fingers grazed against a smooth, solid surface and he paused to pick up the shell and examine it. _‘A conch shell’_ , he recalled _._

 _“Oi, Kaneki_ _!_ _Do you believe that you can really hear the ocean in here?”_ Flashes of a curious caramel-honey gaze and a bright grin overwhelmed his senses and he choked up again as tears streamed down his coloured cheeks and onto the shell. Sobs wracked his lithe frame as he clutched the shell to his chest, cradling it as images flashed through his mind in a jumbled mess, relentlessly, one after the other.

_A bright, loud sunshine child approached his lonesome self on the little hill by the river with an arm stretched out for a handshake._

_“Would you be my friend? I’m Hideyoshi Nagachika! You can call me Hide!”_

Haise’s red eyes widened as he choked on a gasp.  The world around him froze and he couldn’t breathe. ”Hi-de?” he gasped brokenly.

Searing pain shot through his head and a dam burst within him. Haise screamed, voice raw and trembling.

”Hide.” He whispered hoarsely.

_“Rabbits die of loneliness, you know!”_

“Hide. Hide. Hide!” Haise choked out the boy’s name over and over. He clung to the memories, fearing that he might forget again.

Somewhere in the distance he could hear the faint voice of people calling for him. He tried to steady his shaky breaths, squeezing his eyes shut.

_‘In. Out. In. Out. Breathe.’_

_“Let’s go home….”_

And the final pieces of his fragile mind shattered, altogether. A heart wrenching wail tore its way out of his throat and he doubled over, heaving. Clenching fistfuls of his ashen-ivory locks, he rapidly rocked himself back and forth and began humming a tune that he’d forgotten years ago.  Belatedly, he realized it was an upbeat American song, one that the bright boy used to sing obnoxiously and often, nodding along to the music blasting from his neon headphones. A watery and wistful smile began tugging at the corner of his lips.

The young investigator recalled memories of the blond singing. He remembers Hide singing to him, _for him_ , whenever he was stressed or he could feel a panic attack coming on, even though his friend would act like he was simply singing because he loved the song and practicing his English. But, Kaneki knew that was only half the truth.  Hide had always been very attentive and he would notice every little thing, no matter how much Kaneki tried to hide it. Despite how the dark-haired boy would complain and roll his eyes, he actually really appreciated Hide’s antics and it was comforting in an endearing and familiar sort of way. It helped him calm down and made him feel better, and he knew that the blond was aware of this.

Even when he would wake in the middle of the night in a panic and he didn’t want to wake Hide by calling him, he would close his eyes and listen to the song, just imagining Hide there with him, singing along, all passionate and ridiculous.

 _“You are my fire…”_ He would gesture dramatically and get right up in Kaneki’s face, causing him to sputter incoherently and his face would turn red as a tomato.

The young college student would remember the one night when his blond friend had slept over and he’d woken up in terror. Hide had enveloped him in a warm hug, making sure not to hold too tight so that the brunette could breathe easier. He cradled the distraught boy’s head against his chest, humming one of his favourite upbeat songs and carding his fingers gently through Kaneki’s dark hair as he sobbed. Kaneki had clenched fistfuls of the back of Hide’s nightshirt, eyes squeezed shut and focusing on steadying his laboring breaths, trying to match it with Hide’s.

 _“In. Out. In. Out. Breathe. Just like that. It’s okay, you’re okay.”_ Hide murmured gently into the crown of his head.

After some time, Kaneki exhaled shakily and then yawned, exhausted from all the emotions and lack of sleep. But, he didn’t want the moment to end and tightened his arms around Hide’s waist. The blond gently coaxed him to move so they were lying in the single bed facing each other. He pulled Kaneki back into his arms to resume stroking his soft dark locks. He whispered reassuring words, pausing in between only to press a soft kiss to his head each time.

_“I’m here, Kaneki. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m right here.”_

Kaneki sighed and nuzzled into his neck contentedly, surrendering to sleep.

~

“Maman!”

Haise let out a startled gasp and quickly wiped at his eyes. He glanced up to see his squad running towards him, concern etched onto their youthful features. He must have been a complete mess because even _Urie_ looked worried. He attempted a weak smile, but he knew it did nothing to cover up his sorry state or abate their worries. The Quinx were trying to say something to him, but their words seemed garbled and far away. With their support, he struggled to his feet and they trekked back towards the vehicle to go home. Belatedly, he realized that it had gotten quite late, the sun casting a pinkish-golden glow upon the earth and sky.

Haise reached for the keys, only for them to be snatched away by Urie. He looked up at him questioningly, but the broody teen just sighed and gently coaxed him into the passenger seat instead, sitting behind the wheel himself. The elder blinked at him a couple times before Urie finally replied with a simple “you’re really in no condition to be driving, Sasaki,” and started the engine.

They drove in silence. Haise opened his window halfway, taking a deep breath of the cool night air and leaned his head against the car door. He gazed out the window, unseeing, the city lights and busy streets barely registered to him. He kept thinking back to the fragmented memories that assaulted his mind earlier and was relieved that they stayed with him somewhat, albeit fuzzier than before.

They passed an empty playground and he found himself staring back in that direction even when it was the long out of sight. His eyelids fluttered and the gentle breeze caressed his ebony-ivory locks as he recalled precious nights spent on a playground talking to his friend. Sometimes they would sit and talk about everything and nothing and tell each other their deepest secrets. Other times, they were happy just to spend time together and be close to each other, lost in their own thoughts and huddled together under the stars.

Haise turned and propped an arm onto the window sill, watching a single tear roll down his cheek in his reflection. He gazed into his own ashen eyes, full of pain and longing and blinked away more tears that threatened to spill. “Hide”, he breathed out raggedly, peering into the night as if the blond would magically appear. But, of course he didn’t. This time Haise let the tears fall freely, burying his face in his arm and sniffling silently.

Eventually, he fell asleep like that and Shirazu had carried him into the chateau, placing him gently on his bed and Saiko kissed his forehead, murmuring a quiet goodnight before they all reluctantly turned in for the night.

 

Haise woke to a warm stream of sunlight on his face. In times like these, he could almost feel the bright blond boy with him. ‘ _Hide’_ he corrected himself, a small smile gracing his features as he stretched. Then he looked around and remembered where he was, who he was, and that Hide wasn’t here. His smile vanished, replaced by a tired, somber expression. He sighed and got up to get ready for the day. Belatedly, he realized that he and Saiko were the only ones in the chateau and then remembered that Mutsuki had an appointment with the doctor and the two boys had gone out to meet with a client.

On his way out, he stopped by Saiko’s bedroom door. Haise could hear her snoring and she must have fallen back to sleep a few minutes ago because he could still hear the sounds of her videogames. He shook his head fondly, a wistful smile on his lips. ‘ _Hide and Saiko would have gotten along very well.’_ Sighing sadly, (he seemed to be doing a lot of that lately) he made his way to work, opting to walk instead of taking the train or taxi.

He saw families chatting happily, couples spending time together and friends messing around. The students were on their way to school and the adults going to work, everyone having some place to be, a place they were needed, a place where they belonged. Haise walked slowly, occasionally glancing around as if searching for something, or _someone_. Whenever he would see loud clothing or blond hair he’d stumble a little and a tiny flame in his chest would flicker, but disappear just as quickly as it came. At one point he’d even thought he heard the American music band that Hide would listen to, but he’d been unable to pinpoint the source.

He could feel a burning sensation behind his eyelids and a deep ache of longing threatened to consume him whole. Haise craved for a place to belong and feel wanted and needed, but he’d lost it years ago. Tears blurred his vision and he frantically wiped them away, muttering out apologies when he kept bumping into people as he stumbled along. The sound of the music kept getting louder until suddenly he felt someone take hold of his elbow. He startled and whipped his head up to find concerned brown eyes meeting his own tearful gaze. His eyes widened as he stared at the human with blond hair. The boy gasped and froze, but quickly cleared his throat and smiled politely.

“Ah, are you okay? You seemed a little out of it”

“Hi-de?” Haise whispered in wonder.

The blond inhaled sharply and stared straight into his eyes, seemingly searching for something. Then he smiled that bright beautiful grin and threw his arms around the bewildered half-ghoul.

“Dude!” he nuzzled Haise’s face, causing him to let out a giggle and he blushed, mortified at the sound he’d made.

Haise brought his arms up to wrap around his waist and buried his face in the crook of Hide’s neck, inhaling his comforting scent and exhaled contentedly. _‘….I say..I want it that way….’_ The American song still played in the blond’s headphones, the same song he’d heard earlier but couldn’t find where it came from; he thought he’d just imagined it. Hide sang along softly and Haise chuckled before humming along as well. They were slowly rotating on the spot, almost as if they were doing a little dance in the middle of the sidewalk and the world around them ceased to exist.

He was back where he belonged; he was home in Hide’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted Hide to meet Haise TwT


End file.
